Troubled Thoughts

Sometimes, I wish I had someone who would listen to me with patience and understand what I am going through, what I am trying to say… But when someone says that, I am listening, share, I just go numb. And sometimes people take this as my excuse to attract attention and that I have nothing to say, that I am some pathetic attention seeker…

I have heard this so many times that NOW, even I doubt myself. But I am a human too, right? So, I can’t have it together all the time. I don’t really blame others, its me who is supposed to be blamed, it is always me…I just wish that all these things that I write about, I can speak out, with actual words.

I know I have wounds and they are stinging. And I know they are not imaginary, they are there but I don’t know how to let them out.

Sometimes, I sit alone and reflect on all those nagging thoughts bringing me down. Like now. A tear or two make their way down my cheeks but I wipe them as quickly as I can before anyone sees them. It has been quite a time since I have cried my eyes out without any fear or concern to be found in that state.

I am gonna be okay, I know that too. I want to be okay, so, I try to get back to normal as soon as I can. I just sometimes wish, I had that someone who would hug me and tell me to let it all out without any fear, who would make me feel like I also matter, no matter how clumsy, naive and dumb I can be, I still matter.

I guess I have to be that someone for myself, for now. 

– aak92

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Time to be Real…

I wanted to make our last days memorable,

I wanted to have the best days we ever had.

 

But it is gonna take a a lot of patience and hard work,

And I am already tired.

 

I can’t make those mine who never were,

I tried my best,

People say actions speak louder than words,

So believe I tried.

 

And I would be an idiot not to get the signal,

You can’t force anyone to care for you the same way you care for them.

 

So I guess its time to believe and let go,

By griping too tight I might lose them all together. 

 

So its time to let go and move with the flow.

 

Make memories,

But not forced.

 

Make bonds,

But not fake.

 

Its time to play real,

Its time to be real…

– aak92

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