Troubled Thoughts

Sometimes, I wish I had someone who would listen to me with patience and understand what I am going through, what I am trying to say… But when someone says that, I am listening, share, I just go numb. And sometimes people take this as my excuse to attract attention and that I have nothing to say, that I am some pathetic attention seeker…

I have heard this so many times that NOW, even I doubt myself. But I am a human too, right? So, I can’t have it together all the time. I don’t really blame others, its me who is supposed to be blamed, it is always me…I just wish that all these things that I write about, I can speak out, with actual words.

I know I have wounds and they are stinging. And I know they are not imaginary, they are there but I don’t know how to let them out.

Sometimes, I sit alone and reflect on all those nagging thoughts bringing me down. Like now. A tear or two make their way down my cheeks but I wipe them as quickly as I can before anyone sees them. It has been quite a time since I have cried my eyes out without any fear or concern to be found in that state.

I am gonna be okay, I know that too. I want to be okay, so, I try to get back to normal as soon as I can. I just sometimes wish, I had that someone who would hug me and tell me to let it all out without any fear, who would make me feel like I also matter, no matter how clumsy, naive and dumb I can be, I still matter.

I guess I have to be that someone for myself, for now. 

– aak92

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Do You Miss Yourself?

Do you miss yourself?

The person you were before your first loss, before you had your first heartbreak, before you came face to face with the harsh side of this world, and all those double faced people?

Do you miss that version of yourself before all of this?

I know I don’t. I just miss the good old times I had, when I was naive.

– aak92

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Knock, Knock “Who’s There?” “A Time to Recreate Yourself”

Assalam-o-Alikum,

      Brothers and Sisters, Friends and Fellows

You know, ‘Ramadan’ is just around the corner!! And it is about time that we get ready and start preparing our bodies and minds, if we desire a remarkable and blessed Ramadan. I know I do.

There was a time, when I was naive and missed many chances to take full benefit of this blessed month. It saddens me to remember those days. Though, I am still clueless about a lot of stuff. But at least now I am on the path, so, I guess I will get there some day, InshaAllah.

We, Muslims, should not think of Ramadan as a burden, because it is the best time of the year for us. You know why? Well, because Ramadan is like a prized chance given to us by Allah, a chance to purify our bodies, minds and souls, to strengthen our faith and beliefs, to rebuilt and wash the filth off ourselves. In similar words, it is a chance for us to change ourselves for the better. 

Ramadan is coming! When we say this, we usually mean, the month of fasting is here. But is that what Ramadan is all about? No doubt, fasting is a significant part of this time of year and also one of our religious duties, but, it doesn’t end here.

Many of you probably know all this, but reminder is always good. Right? Fasting is only 1% about not eating and drinking while 99% is about bringing your heart and soul closer to Allah. If you are going to carry on with your old, regular routine like not giving time to your prayers, not reciting Quran, sleeping all day, using foul and bad language, gossiping, being angry, wasting time in worthless activities that do not benefit you in strengthening of your faith and stuff like that; you know, you are not really performing your religious duty. You are just starving yourself. And Ramadan is not about starving yourself or going on a diet; it is about indulging yourself in your faith (imaan)  and making the most of it.

Fasting is an essential requirement needed to cleanse our body, soul and mind. Some of the benefits that we can get through fasting are:

  • A chance to create a deep connection with Allah.
  • Learn about patience and self-control.
  • Learn to strain ourselves from gossiping, backbiting, fighting, harming and indulging ourselves in any devilish activities.
  • A chance to reflect and improve oneself for the better.

The devil is going to be locked away for Ramadan, and then, it will be just us. I believe there is still good in us, so let’s aim to have a better Ramadan this year than the last one. Let’s aim and work towards it.

May Allah make this Ramadan, a turning point in our lives and accept all our prayers and worships in His path.

(Ameen)

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